I promised myself that I would blog on this subject because I am at a point in my life where I need to be introspective (to some degree) and be honest with myself in ways that heretofore I may not have been able to be. Basically I need to get comfortable with myself (embrace myself with all of my dorkiness) and reevaluate some essential things I want out of life. This means focusing on what I want out of life using my mind, my brains and my heathen soul. Sometimes shinning this much light on something emphasizes the darkness. I know this must be done if I am going to be happy. Personal relationships withstanding, my life has been pretty good this year. I got a job that I love and yesterday my offer on a condo was accepted, which will be my first home ever. I am super excited and yet at the same time I am scared of many darker things: how my life is like 1/3 over; how I can't seem to maintain a relationship (even one that seems like it was made for me); how my parents are getting older and the realization that they won't be here forever; how all the material things that I wish for somehow make life cheaper; how I have little biological family here in this country; how I could grow old and alone; among other scarry possibilities. Maybe all this grief is fruitless, but maybe it's pushing me to the next place I need to be. Yet all the light has show me the darkness and now I need to find out what it's all about.
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Pete- If there is one thing that last night brought home to me, it is that I treasure the fact that I get to know people like you and Chamberlin and your wonderful parents. It means so much to me. And if it helps at all, please know that your sister will be in the next rocking chair over still throwing stuff at you.. so you won't grow old alone.
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