Some People Have Stories, Other People Have Stuff

For some years now, I've been doing a great deal of figuring out of myself. This has taken me down many paths and introduced me to many people, some of whom have become friends, while others have been left by the side of the road. Maybe I'll be meet them again, maybe not. Life is funny that way. There has also been periods of downtime, collecting myself and finding some center within.

Compared with these times, there are also times where my desires have runneth over and I've collected people in bed and things to use and learn about and hold on to. I've collected a lot of stuff over the years, which is not to say that I've collected people. Nevertheless, I've come to feel heavy and weighed down due to all the things I've collected. Not that the desire for things goes away. It's just that the desire to unload has grown to the point where less will definitely feel like much more.

What seems missing, something I've felt a loss of for some time is the volition to follow some story I've got in my head and I've had in my head for an even longer time. We all have stories in our heads for ourselves. Sometimes parts of these stories are ridiculous in hindsight: for example, I won't have sex until I married. Other times they are very realistic and life-serving: for example, wanting to understand why my grandparents were the way they were. Yet they always serve some purpose, known or unknown at the time.

These stories are the things that make our lives cohesive. They're the human technology that allow us to be thoughtful and reflective beings rather than animals. Without them, I fear we just become consumers. Which leads me to by point.

I've collected a lot of shit over the last few years and I don't feel the better for it. Passing fancies. Little else. Whether I move to Sweden or not, and it's looking pretty likely at this point, I can't wait to dismiss large amounts of my material goods. Certain things hold meaning, but little meaning lies beyond a few items. What I seek in place of that is the freedom and ability to follow my life where it leads itself. Sweden may be the destination, but there is so very much beyond that. I want to walk in the shoes that are within me, which also may be the shoes that have gone before me. Life is incredibly funny at times, and its always weirder than people give it credit for. But that's what makes life great.

I have come to see people as consumers and they've willingly given themselves over to that impulse to the point that some seem like little else than what they own. "You are not what you own," said Tyler Durden of the film Fight Club. No shit. You are what you are and that's what you'll always be.