You can always find somebody to party with but not everybody's going to invite you to their party.

For many years I've often wondered if my idea of friendship was too high, too dedicated, too demanding of so-called friends. In light of more recent events, I've come to see that perhaps I'm right. Yet there are things I'm not ready to give up. I've been raised to be a man of his word, to walk like I talk and (thanks to my dad's modeling and my mom's hard and fast punishment for lying) an honest man. Unfortunately these are not qualities which are in high fashion in US culture. Few people follow through despite their claims to loyalty and even fewer still keep their "friends" in mind beyond their immediate needs. Out of sight, out of mind. This makes me wonder how much they really gave a shit in the first place. Nevertheless, I am tired of feeling punished for being there for people when they need me but leave me to break my own silence when, more often than not, I need somebody.

I realize this all makes me sound bitter and I guess, to some degree, I am. I may also be writing this in a state of self-pity. But I'm through with allowing this to happen, again and again. Sometimes your investment should be cut loose if it's not paying in the present. Sometimes the past should be the past.